I keep getting myself into bad situations. I feel like a failure. What should I do?
Dear Bad in Dania Beach,
The first thing to do is to detach from the present negative situation. You are measuring yourself as good or bad based on this event.
In reality what is happening is separate from you. It is happening in your sphere of existence but does not define your life. For example, if your boss fires you for no reason it has altered the situation in your life but the essence of your life remains the same. You can still find another job, learn from the experience and possibly be in a better place.
Choose to step out the drama. Instead of focusing on the details of your situation, rather look for patterns. A pattern is something that keeps reoccurring in your life. It keeps repeating until you either learn from it or break the pattern. If you take the time to sit silently and look inside you may see where it stems from.
Uncovering your pattern and knowing that your situation doesn’t define who you are gives you the power to choose. It also helps you see the lessons in the situation so you can heal past wounds.
You are faced with this situation for a reason. A mantra that you can tell yourself throughout this process that may help is: You can handle the situation, it is a growth opportunity and there is a reason for this to occur exactly as it is. Say these things to yourself whenever you feel stressed. It will help you find the inner strength to handle the situation. Once you get through this situation you will become a stronger and more aware individual.
Please be advised that the advice written in this column is not a substitution for psychotherapy.